Reflection: Week of 12/2-12/8 (The Last One)

 A Reflection on This Week, This Semester, This Year, and This Decade

          I have learned so much this semester, but also nothing at all. I'm going to take this time, however, to reflect on more than this week or this semester. One important observation is that I've changed a lot in one year; I like who I am now more than who I was a year ago. I also like the people I'm with now much more than the people I was with a year ago.
           At the beginning of this week, I rode a seven-hour train from my home to my home- Upstate NY to Washington, D.C. A snowstorm was coming. I barely missed it, but I recognized the way the sky looks and the air feels when snow is on the way. I rode past frozen rivers and grey fields and I found it surprisingly beautiful. This train ride made me realize that I come from a pretty cool place. Yet, I was so excited to go home on this train. I was on my way to DC, working on a policy memo about Cuban Internet policies, and I was excited to go home. As happy and comfortable as I was in NY, I was more excited about DC, and the future that it offers.
           At the beginning of this week, a gunfight in Mexico left 14 dead. My thoughts surrounding it included gun control measures, immigration reform, anti-corruption laws, and other popular phrases politicians are throwing around nowadays. All that talk is great, but it's not stopping anything.
           At the beginning of the semester, I thought I wasn't smart enough to be in Global Scholars. While I had worked hard, and I had gotten in, a nagging voice in my head told me that I wasn't good enough. Being in a room with people that are equally as passionate about the same thing, and way more accomplished than me, was intimidating, to say the least. The stress of all my classes, 20 hours of work per week, and being in a busy, exciting, new place was overwhelming. I let that feeling convince me that I wasn't good enough. I've grown to enjoy not being the smartest person in the room for once, and it's challenged me to become smarter.
           At the beginning of the semester, fires raged throughout the Amazon rainforest. I was terrified. I didn't know how to react. It really felt like the apocalypse was coming. And politicians' responses to the fires didn't help me feel any better. As passionate as I am about the environment, I don't know if I could ever make a career in environmental policy because the whole topic is too depressing. As much as I would like to be the person who comes in and saves the day and finally gets some decent policy implemented, it just won't realistically happen.
           One year ago today, according to my Snapchat memories, I ate an entire baguette while half-assing a presentation on Morocco. I think we can all recognize that I've grown (at least a little bit) since then. At least now I'll put in like 75% effort and I'll only eat half a baguette.
           One year ago today, Jeffrey Epstein took a plea deal that prevented victims from testifying against him. Interesting how that sounds now.
           At the beginning of this decade (as we only have 26 days left of the 2010s!), I decided to leave my small rural public school to go to an even smaller private school in a much bigger city. I hated my little elementary school. The even smaller private school that I went to ended up changing my life in many, sometimes weird, ways.
           At the beginning of this decade in world politics, the U.S. closed its embassy in Yemen due to security concerns. Terrorism is still a pressing issue in politics today. We discussed the various national security documents in class this semester, and terrorism was a common theme of the more modern ones. Through the lens of my other classes, though, I wonder about how cyberterrorism comes into play. The Internet and our technology are still rapidly growing. We thought we were advanced back then? The iPhone 4 was the top of the line tech in 2010. That should speak for itself.
           What does all of this mean? I said that I've learned a lot, and also nothing. But the most important thing I've learned so far, and the realization has come to full fruition today, is that life is like December 5th, 2018. We're all just going through life half-assing presentations on Morocco and eating baguettes (unless you're gluten-free or vegan, I guess. What do you even eat, then?). The people in my class that I thought were so much smarter than me? They've stayed up until four in the morning for an assignment due at 8am, slept through a class, and aced a presentation just by exuding a lot of energy (provided solely by a scary amount of caffeine). The Amazon fires we were so worried about? Well, our world is still burning before our eyes. At this point, half-assing something is better than doing nothing.
           My point is that there are all these big problems and questions we are still faced with. I naively expected World Politics to teach me how to find world peace and fix all these political issues. It didn't even give me a playbook. What I have learned, however, is that we just can't solve these. I'm an optimist, but our problems are so complicated, so interconnected, that the best we can do is just make them a little bit better.
           As much as I loved this class, the people in it, the curriculum, and the professor, I'm a little dissatisfied. It's no one's fault but my own; I wanted to learn about world issues, copy down notes from a lecture slide, and hopefully pass a multiple-choice test. Instead, I've learned new ways to approach the world, and everything is more confusing than ever. I think the best classes are the ones that don't necessarily answer your questions but actually leave you with more.